Wednesday, 19 July 2017

Fickle Feelings

I had a nice long break between the xc and stadium to stew in my thoughts. Enjoying a lovely picnic with my kids in the box of my truck, and taking in the smells and sounds of the beautiful park around us, I found the perspective I was searching for.


I decided to ask to be dropped to starter level for stadium which would max out at 2'3" (pre-entry was 2'6" with tons of fill) and moved forward with the plan to ride what ever horse Savvy would present as on course and school each moment to my best ability. Just take each challenge as it comes. Breathe.

It was outrageously hot out by warmup time. I wanted to give myself plenty of time to just putter around with Savvy and allow her to take in the sights in the different area jumping would be in. The plan seemed to be working out nicely and Savvy was happy to stand quietly in the shade while I watched other riders in the higher levels. Although the flat work I had done was lovely and relaxed, our first attempt at a warmup cross rail resulted in a refusal. This time though I laughed it off, trotted around and made her pop over.

The course was made up of decorative pony club jumps and standards. For my level however, there would be no fill or flowers. The first jump was a cross rail and the rest were verticals with the last jump being an oxer. None of it looked like it would pose a problem as long as I could set my nerves aside and ride properly.


Once on course, Savvy had a good look at #1 but I got her over. Then #2 and 3 rode very well. Approaching #4, Savvy spooked at a dog running outside the arena about two strides out and ended up refusing. My mindset changed and basically I felt like enough already and made her get over the jump. For the rest of the course I was determined to make every jump happen. By jump #6, Savvy's mindset changed as well. I felt her relax and start approaching the jumps like she knew her job--really it was funny how we both shifted into competent horse and rider through the course. The rest of the jumps felt really nice. Even on the last jump, Savvy was about to have second thoughts because it was a bit more wide and higher than the rest but I kicked on and she jumped it nicely.

That course just felt so fun. I couldn't have cared less about the one refusal and this round was all about building back some confidence lost.

Heading home that evening I was definitely feeling much better, but still a bit at war with my emotions over quitting in xc. I felt like I had a choice in how to view the day, yet my emotions did not agree with my head. By morning I had resolved to make dressage count. I could say 'meh, what does it matter at this point' or I could make every effort because I chose to believe it mattered.

I put in a hell of a lot of time, money, sweat, tears, joy and passion into horses, so guess what?
It matters.

Being an overthinker truly is not fun, but sometimes it works in my favor. I can talk myself out of a funk just as easily as I put myself in one. By morning I was back to believing in this little hobby of mine and pulled out the white gloves. The ones my husband had bought me and I had never worn because none of my dressage tests had 'mattered' enough for white gloves.

All the fancies :)
Savvy got an early morning second bath and braided before getting back on the trailer for our 9:50 ride time.

I started the warmup ride at 8:30 and went through all the suppling exercises. The biggest problem in past tests (besides Savvy being too nervous) has been my own lack of riding because I was worrying about a nice seat and good equitation.


In focusing on this, I was not riding in a way that Savvy needs at this point--she is no where near invisible cues so what the hell I have been thinking riding like this, I really do not know...


And the test:
 

In this test Savvy rode like I have never felt her go before. We could not ride a straight line to save our lives, yet there she was, going straight as an arrow down centre line at a lovely flowing trot. She actually cantered in the right spots and held it for the right amount of time. Of course there was some unsteadiness and dodging behind the bit, but no where near like our usual. Really if the judge knew just how bad we can be, she would have definitely given this pony a gold star for her performance today. 


We struggled a bit on the free walk which is usually our best part of the test--Savvy just wasn't interested stretching down much but her strides were long, flowing and active. Our halt is also something Savvy usually excels at, but this time she stopped a bit oddly and I pushed for one more step to square things up a bit. From the comments I guess I would have been better off holding the original halt and not fussing.


To compare, this is score is a full 10% higher than my last attempt at dressage.


This strong test worked wonders for the negative feelings left over from the day before. Savvy and I are improving. And jumping will improve, eventually.



Monday, 17 July 2017

At War with Myself

The mental game with horses and this sport of eventing really kicked my ass this weekend. We completed our first formal three-phase event. My past two derbies consisted of dressage (with the ring made on the site of the xc field on grass), pace and xc. For this weekend the event was partnered with a pony club rally so we had access to the barns, large grass jumping ring for stadium and formal sand dressage ring. There would even be a jog up for the vet on the first morning.

Passing the jog test and my unicorn looking majestic as fuck.

My schooling work at home the few weeks prior to this weekend had some lovely breakthroughs. I had finally created a true half-halt with Savvy and the lightbulb turned on in her lovely little brain wherein she now understood what I was actually doing with my body and what it meant for her in the big world of horse responsibilities.

With this new understanding of half-halt comes more control of her trot and canter and suddenly we have new quality. It is a completely different trot that I can ask for immediately and refine in real time rather than the previous need to 'work her out' of her pony trot to the more relaxed trot. Canter is also improved, but not quite so dramatically. There is still rushing at canter but I can elevate her shoulders much more than before and feel some semblance of control now, so progress!

Doing our homework and yes, I even jumped the red barn twice :)
This would be our first event without pre-event xc schooling. Considering how challenging our last xc was, this was certainly not ideal. Logistically, the organisers had to place events backwards to what you would expect: First was xc Saturday morning, then stadium Saturday afternoon followed by Dressage Sunday morning. This again so not ideal considering how I was feeling about xc. Jumping at home was going really well, but our last event left me with no warm and fuzzies what so ever.

I planned for the longest warmup possible with trot and canter sets, a couple of cross rails then break, rinse, repeat. Savvy had plenty of nervous energy to let off and my nerves were not helping but by the time it was my turn I thought we were in a pretty good place. Most of my course would be inviting logs with the odd difficult test sprinkled into a very short course of nine jumps.

As hubby was working, my kids got to spend the whole weekend with me at the event. I was so lucky to have my own cheering crew/grooms! lol.
Savvy immediately refused the first simple log but on second try she went over. The next fence was also a log but maybe a full 2'6" made bigger by the wear on the ground in the take-off and landing spot. She refused this too, twice. At some point coming up for my second try at this fence my brain just checked out and anxiety took over. I was shaking so bad I simply took that second refusal as a definite nope for me. I could not stomach the idea of doing this seven more times on this course and decided to call it quits. I pulled up and exited stage left. About 20 seconds after that decision, I truly regretted it.
What to do with a 7 and 9-year-old when you need to head out on xc? Give them a cooler full of snacks, a blanket and tablet to play on and they hardly notice you left...
I was just gutted. Every worst negative thought one can have about themselves as a rider was making rounds in my head. All I could do was try to not look how I felt as to not ruin the morning for my friend who was warming up for her turn. Perhaps that was a blessing. Otherwise I might have headed down the bush path to have a good cry.

For the next few hours all I wanted to do was pack up and forget this whole crazy idea of eventing. It was really difficult, but I forced myself to look at it for what it was--a learning experience. My horse and I are doing our best and anxiety will happen. I will have refusals and will remember how stupid it was to quit. I will move forward with plan B's, C's and D's if necessary at next events and know that this is a great group of riders who won't mind me schooling on course, skipping fences or changing levels. It does not have to be all or nothing and perhaps most importantly: I do not have to be good at this as long as I keep it fun.

Still, I was mostly feeling like why bother...but stadium would change all of that.

Tuesday, 27 June 2017

If she can jump it...

So can I, right?

Welcome newly completed Obstacle XC 5000 Box Coop Thingy.

I wanted each side to have a different look so I used lattice on one side and spaced 1x8s on the other.


The final touch will be some paint. One side will be red and white like a barn and the other side will be possibly brown or what ever mix of dark colours I find in the mistint section, as Savvy seems much more looky at dark coloured jumps.

Couldn't have completed this without a great little helper.
Of course I had to test it out! Well, I let Savvy test it out without me for now...

Yes I know, I should have put her xc boots on. :/
 Let's just say she was very impressed. Refused twice and then with a bit more insistence on my part, she popped over quite awkwardly.

OMG, did you just see me?!! I made it over that thingy!! - Savvy
 The next few jumps were much better, though I can see she still really wants to hesitate and then levitate rather than a fluid last stride and commitment before the jump. It is interesting to watch from the ground what I have been feeling in the saddle. It seems like she is possibly overthinking the 'how' in the last second. Hopefully this is something that will improve as we actually do larger jumps on a regular basis. For now, I will just keep schooling easier stuff. I am not quite ready to try this one yet, at least not without hubby being close by to dial 911.

Thursday, 22 June 2017

June Derby Recap - XC

The derby format for this weekend included dressage, pace and xc (no stadium) and riders could pick three options. To be eligible for year-end awards, one must include dressage as one of those three. I chose dressage and two xc rounds feeling confident enough not to need to do pace this time.


I had a lot of time after my dressage to relax, change, lunch and beer. I hand walked Savvy around to eat grass and really couldn't wait for my turn at the top of the hill. The course this time included some jumps I would find quite challenging to gallop at. I was torn between two thoughts: One, I could just go around them and resolve myself to having a fun outing despite disqualification. Or two, I could try the jumps. The ever-optimistic part of me was pushing me to remember that magical feeling last month on course. Savvy had really gotten into the game once on course and became a lot more brave than she would be otherwise. Maybe that would happen again and we could sail over the jumps I was worried about?

The course...

Jump 1: Nice friendly old log jump, only made slightly intimidating to me by the width of those ground poles. Savvy reluctantly left the start and proceeded to zig-zag down the hill like a drunk platypus (trying to turn back because she did not want to leave the other horses). The first jump resulted in a stop-and-pop special that unseated me so bad I fell on her neck. Err...no big deal though right? I was sure we would get into a groove soon. I sat up and got her cantering for the next fence.

Our second time out it went much better and Savvy over-jumped it by a few feet.


Jump 2: Large-AF feeder. Cantering up to this I thought, well...I am doing the course twice. Maybe this time I will just go around and let my face recover from the jump 1 smash up...

Second time out I thought I was GOING TO JUMP this. Savvy said no. Three times. So then we carried on around it.

 
To get to jump three we had to go through the bush to the right of this ramp jump. 
 

Jump 3: Savvy was SO worried that the ramp would eat her, and the trees would eat her, and the flags would eat her but we got through and enjoyed another 4-foot effort over a 2-foot log both times out.


Jump 4: This was named the raspberry jump and it scared the crap out of Savvy. I actually thought it looked pretty basic. We made it over the first time with some encouragement, but the second time out, Savvy decided at the last second she would dive right instead of over and took out the red flag.

 
Jump 5: This jump had actually scared me at the previous derby. It was not on our course last time, but it was in our practice the day prior and Savvy had seemed worried about it. I even ended up building something at home that looked like this one to practice with. Our first round this day, she did it very well, but the second time out I was so discombobulated from the duck-out Savvy had done at the raspberry jump, I decided to just go around this one and regroup.
 

Jump 6: A jump like this was so welcomed by this point. Thank you for being simple, #6.


Jump 7: This may not look very big, but just like jump #2, Savvy does not seem to understand how to answer a big, solid question like this yet. We decided to just go around this one both times out.


Jump 8: Are you fecking kidding me?!!  <:(    This is PRE-ENTRY people! I am not even entering. I could have sat down and had lunch at this beastly bench. No and no. Went far around it both times. May have given it the finger in passing.


Jump 9: Now something Savvy and I can do!! We walked peacefully over this log both times, down the bank and off into the field for our last jump.


Jump 10: Of course it is the fecking barn. No. just, no. Went around it the first time, and attempted it once the second time because I am a glutton for punishment. Savvy refused once and I decided to call it quits. I galloped up the hill to celebrate, cry, take stock and pat my grumpy pony.

Take-aways?

1. This course was a bit too challenging for pre-entry level by many of the experienced riders' standards who were there that day. That made me feel somewhat better for not quite being ready for the size and style of jumps we were presented with.

2. I know solid and wide structures like the feeder and barn are tough for Savvy mentally, so time to build more things like this at home and get practicing.

3. Poison Ivy. I took home poison ivy. uggghhh.

4. Savvy is a great little horse. Even when she doesn't want to try, or has hormone issues turning her brain to mush, she is still a reliable girl that I feel safe on and can have fun with while failing at all the things!

Tuesday, 20 June 2017

June Derby Recap - Dressage

I left derby day just beat. So exhausted.

So disappointed, yet happy, thrilled even, all of the feelings.

I came into the weekend expecting it to be like the last one - a fun, doable challenge. It was not that at all.

New course designer - completely different challenges. So many more larger obstacles.

But let's start at the beginning. Dressage.

Pre-test smiles
I kept my promise to myself: Show up early, get ready early and warm up really well for dressage. Savvy was very amped up and we certainly needed time to loosen up. I got tons of fantastic stretchy trot and over-tracking walk after about 15 minutes of work. Then canter; good transition, a bit unwilling to stay in gait. Trying again resulted in bucking. Hmmph. More trying, more bucking. Back to trotting and stretching to get this new funk out of her before our turn and a lot of mental work in my own mind to try to forget the bucking happened.

My turn to go--spooked at storage trailer beside ring. Spooked entire way along bush beside one side of ring. Prayed judge would not honk her horn for me to go as I was walking past her car. Finally time to head in.

Entry Test #1:

1. A enter working trot. Proceed down centre line without halting. Track right.

What really happened: We entered working trot, wiggled left. wiggled right. Four-leg-stop-spook-snort at a patch of dirt just past X. Carried on, tracked right.

2. B circle right 20m diameter working trot.

Nope. Forgot to circle. Carried on at trot down to A. Judge honked horn. I thought I was eliminated and started to leave. Judge called me back and told me my mistake. Started over from centre line near X at working trot. This time circled at B and it was decent.

3. Between F and A develop working canter.

Or not if you don't want to Savvy. Oh, three strides of canter? Thanks so much for participating pony.

4. A circle right 20 m diameter working canter.

Oh right, canter. Let's try again. A few more strides and at least the right lead. Good pony. Now where on earth were we supposed to go next...?

5. Between K and E develop working trot.

Already there bitches. We are so on point.

6. C medium walk.

*kick,kick,kick*  "F*$&#ing keep walking PONY!!" - side eye to see if judge's window is rolled down...oh, thank god it is up. <Savvy pins ears at me for daring to ask her to keep walking>

7. MXK change rein free walk on a long rein. Between K and A medium walk.

March pony! We are going to get across this box today. *so many more swear words...*

8. A working trot.

Doing the trot. No smiles, just want it to be over. Savvy half trying, half looking for escape routes.

9. B circle left 20 m diameter working trot.

Done and done.

10. Between M and C develop working canter left lead.

Running in to canter, got it!

11. C circle 20 m working canter. 

Keep going, keep going! <Savvy humps back and pins her ears> please don't buck, I will give you carrots if you just friggen canter, good girl! oh crap...trotting.

12. Between H and E develop working trot.

Ya, we know.

13. A down centre line. X Halt salute.

Thank god it is over.

The judge was SO generous. (I love you judge, thank you for being so kind, xoxo).


She never even mentions my swearing <3
At this point in the day I discovered Savvy was in heat. Her sides were very touchy, she was so distracted, emotional and crabby, and her answer to everything was "no". Not exactly the horse I needed for the challenges to come, but I am nothing if not optimistic at this point!

Monday, 19 June 2017

Bird's Hill June Derby


 “It was the best of times, it was the worst of times, it was the age of wisdom, it was the age of foolishness, it was the epoch of belief, it was the epoch of incredulity,

Much beer was had this weekend. I giggled up banks and face-planted on manes; sailed over logs and stared down at a dead-stop at large coops.

video

The fine movements of dressage were peppered oh-so-generously with curse words as I pony-club kicked and held on for spooks.

There were moments of pure courage as we galloped our course, and just as many moments of cowardice as I steered wonder pony around large benches without even attempting them.

I learnt I am not so graceful coming down banks, or hanging on for those dead-stop to deer leap-style jumps, but I can kick on and try again, and enjoy a hard day because of great friends to share it with.


So much to learn, experience to gain, alcohol to purchase.

We will keep showing up, taking the leap, holding on for the stop, and smiling through the finish line because of that feeling out on course. It is irreplaceable.

Thursday, 15 June 2017

Dedication, or Lack Thereof?

I am trying to prepare this week for the weekend derby. The weather has other plans though. It just keeps raining.

Grey skies, windy days and frisky ponies. At least they are exercising themselves?
Although practicing in the rain is smart, looking out my window trying to spot my horse hiding in the shelter from the downpour, I am finding that the balls to go saddle up in it seem to be missing.

Hahaha, not me.
And then when it is not raining (we seem to be getting brief windows of sunshine before another heavy cloud opens upon us) my arena is mostly tilled dirt or grass and very slippery. I have ridden at these times, mostly running through my dressage test at a walk and imagining in my head where trot and canter should be. But I have only lunged any faster gaits because I know what it feels like to be on a horse that slips and falls, and my knee with a torn meniscus will always remember.


The great news is I am not terribly worried. It is what it is. Really, Savvy is becoming a pretty dependable beast these days and a week off of serious riding or jumping isn't going to hurt us too much for the derby. Although I really wanted to give our best effort in dressage this time.


While Shiraz and Meyla have covered themselves in mud head to hoof, Savvy has stayed so clean. She knows how it would hurt my soul...shit, now that I have typed this I bet she is rolling...
I am told the footing at Birds Hill holds up really well in the rain as it is mostly sand everywhere so I am only mildly freaking out about not having shoes with studs on Savvy for the wet ground. Still, I am betting I will be riding cautiously if I feel any slipping.

How much do you want to bet it will be raining during my dressage test on Sunday? :)